How was everyone's weekend, blog fans? Ours was decidedly lame, which is something we're getting used to around here. No rockin' party for St. Patrick's Day. No green beer (or beer of any color for that matter.) No keg-stands or toga parties to be had, folks. (I never was cool enough, by the way, to get invited to the toga parties in high school. Were you? I was always so bummed. I mean, a high school party is okay, but a party with a bunch of toga-clad people = awesomeness. Anywho...)
As I was saying, super low-key at Casa de The Jen. A baby cutting eight teeth at once (yes. Eight. Karma is a biatch.) means we were pretty well housebound the last few days. Not because that sort of thing is contagious, but because cutting teeth causes The Bean to resemble something straight out of Paranormal Activity. You aren't ever totally sure what you just witnessed, but you know darn well you'll be sleeping with the lights on for at least the next three days. Know what I mean? Thanks to Bean's "new" normal behavior (i.e. toddlerhood), even on a good day lately I'm hesitant to leave the house with him unless I have packed some tranquilizer darts strong enough to take down a charging wildebeest. You add in some seriously heinous teething and forget it. We're on lock-down, with the dogs standing guard at all entrances and exits to be sure Bean doesn't get out and mix with the general population. We armed ourselves with mini frozen waffles, Orajel, and a steady rotation of ice cold, wet washcloths and that's all she wrote. A whole weekend eaten up by one unpleasant, teething, baby monster.
While on lock-down, however, I had plenty of time to think about all the important things in life, and how so many things just don't make any sense at all. Please take a moment to step into the head of Jen, and see what I had whirling around in the ol' brain the last two days.
*In The Little Mermaid, Ariel is supposed to be 16. Um, what the hell is a 16 year old doing running (swimming?) around all day wearing nothing but two tiny seashells to cover her mer-nipples? Furthermore, why on earth is the father happy that she winds up married at the end of the movie? She's 16, people! She hasn't even graduated from underwater high school yet. In fact, now that I mention it, I don't think she was even attending school in the first place. Sebastian was wrong. It isn't all better Under the Sea. It's all one big fat saltwatery episode of "16 and Pregnant".
*The Orajel package says not to use it more than 4 times per day. Okay, what if I need to apply it to, say, 6 different teeth at once? Am I already over the allotted number of uses for the day? What if I pick only four of the teeth, and then it turns out I picked the wrong four? More importantly, why do I always forget I just applied Orajel to Bean's mouth, and inevitably stick my finger in my own mouth, numbing up my lips and/or tongue for at least fifteen minutes?
*Back to beloved children's characters for a moment - I had no idea growing up that Pretty Woman was a hooker. (I know this isn't technically a children's movie, but I watched it as a child so to me at least, it is a classic children's film.) Seriously. I didn't understand the scene where Richard Gere refers to Julia's "office", and then Julia starts laughing. Why is it so funny that a woman would have an office? I was pretty sure Richard Gere was being sexist and that he just felt like Julia Roberts shouldn't be working outside the home or something. Guess I was off on that just a lil' bit, huh?
*Why did it take me until B was almost 15 months old to think to feed him spinach, but I made sure he'd tried french fries and ice cream about six months earlier?
*A baby Snuggie would be hilarious. Plus, tripping over the front of the thing would probably slow the little beast down, you know?
Okay folks. I'm off to bed. This weekend full of spending time with my child and being his parent has me wiped out. I'll see you back here later this week for some...wait for it...product reviews! Woohoo!
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